Clareza textual na redação jurídica
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Como obter clareza e coesão textual em uma redação ou peça jurídica?
Quando vocês escreverem uma frase, prestem atenção para a sua estrutura.
Se a frase segue uma estrutura única, vocês estão no caminho certo para a construção de um texto claro.
Vou explicar isso melhor com exemplos.
Observem:
“Inalterada a sentença, não há falar em modificação dos ônus de sucumbência tampouco em afastar a suspensão dos descontos das prestações até a apuração do valor devido”.
Reparem que o autor da frase usou o substantivo “modificação”, porém adiante não usa novamente um substantivo, mas, sim, o verbo “afastar”.
Isso atrapalha a leitura.
Vejam como a frase fica bem melhor assim:
“Inalterada a sentença, não há falar em MODIFICAÇÃO dos ônus de sucumbência tampouco em AFASTAMENTO da suspensão dos descontos das prestações até a apuração do valor devido”. (ou “modificar”/“afastar”)
Viram só? Agora a frase segue uma única estrutura e está, portanto, clara.
Leiam esta outra construção:
“Entretanto, não foi esse o esforço feito pelo agravante, que, em vez de provar a validade e eficácia do título protestado, restringiu-se a alegações do histórico de inadimplência do agravado”.
Conseguiram notar a desestruturação? Corrijam para:
“Entretanto, não foi esse o esforço feito pelo agravante, que, em vez de PROVAR a validade e eficácia do título protestado, restringiu-se a ALEGAR o histórico de inadimplência do agravado”.
Olhem que interessante a próxima frase:
“Impõe-se considerar que os demandantes possuem uma filha de 8 anos e a natureza previdenciária da causa”.
Quem a lê pela primeira vez até antes da palavra “natureza” tem a impressão de que os demandantes possuem uma filha e mais outra coisa.
Lendo a frase toda, contudo, vemos que não é isso. Sinal de que a frase não está clara.
Notem como fica melhor assim:
“Impõe-se considerar QUE os demandantes possuem uma filha de 8 anos e QUE a causa tem natureza previdenciária”.
Ou:
“Impõe-se considerar A idade da filha dos demandantes (8 anos) e A natureza previdenciária da causa”.
Era isso.
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